Irony and Playing with Words

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite comic who once said:

"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”

His mind sees things differently than most of us do. . .

Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

5 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

6 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend ... but she left me before we met.

7 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

8 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

9 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

10 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.

11 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

12 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

13 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

14 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

15 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

16 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

17 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

18 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.     

Which was your favorite? Why?